Archive | July 2012

Thor’s Reviews! The Dark Knight Rises

Im going to let my new friend Thor do reviews for me from now on, so be nice to him.

Thor’s Reviews!

Tonight we are going to reviewing a movie called “The Dark Knight Rises”. My friend Matt has taken me under his wing and shown me many things since coming to this world, including what is described as Hollywood. So without further ado here, we, go…………

Let me first start by stating that this mythical Bat creature is a pretty cool human being, but would not stand a chance against me on the field of battle. The Batman series, which started off as a “comic book” created by a man who had too much time on his hands, is a collegiate of many films, television series and comic series. After watching and reading all of the Batmans history nonstop since my arrival, I have determined that this movie is a breathtaking roller coaster from beginning to end. Some parts seemed a bit drawn out, and probably could have been at least 10 minutes shorter, but it wouldn’t be Christopher Nolan if there wasn’t parts that made me want to scream. Overall the movie was exceptionally acted, the visuals were magnificent and you could really see everyone was extremely serious about this movie. The music and sound is one thing I in particular pay attention to, and this film was perfect in that department.

The plot line was a bit confusing, and if someone has not seen the first two movies in the trilogy, they won’t have a clue about this one. By the end of course everything makes sense but it felt too long of a process to identify all the ins and outs, with twists almost every 20 minutes further warping an already weak story. What it came down to was Nolan had to end it, and he did, and it actually made me yell obscenities at the screen while the film was still playing.

Acting grades

Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne – 5 Odin slaps to the face /5
Christian Bale as Batman – 4 Bat symbols in the sky /5
Tom Hardy as Bane – 10 super badass pistol whips /10
Anne Hathaway as Selina Kyle / Catwoman – 25 super hot sex kittens /25 ( i mean…. screw it im not apologizing)
Gary Oldman as Commissioner James Gordon – 3 seen him do betters /5
Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox – 5 narrator of the year awards /5
Michael Caine as Alfred – 5 we need to talks /5
Joseph Gordon-Levitt as John Blake 5 i knew you werent a fluke in third rock from the sun or inception-s /5

In short the film was fantastic and and I have minor issues with the length and a few lines of the script but I wont let that stop me from giving it a 98% approval rating. Even Odin himself will like this cinema take on a modern day human taking on terrorism and a scary guy in a mask.

Thor Odinson III signing off


Mike Gillis caught a fish, and he wants you to know about it.

So earlier this week, Vancouver Canucks General Manager Mike Gillis was on vacation and caught a tuna fish weighing in at a whopping 140 pounds. The local blogging community and fans were understandably upset at him, as the free agency period was still filled with suitable candidates for what the Canucks could use in their line up. Most notably Shea Weber from the Nashville Predators and Shane Doan from the Pheonix Coyotes. So instead of bargaining for high profile free agents, Mr Gillis was sipping mai tais and catching fish in the sunshine. After he caught his behemoth fish, his son snapped a photo of him hoisting it in the air and sent it to the world via twitter. He also made some comments to go along with it, and i have found them and decided to share them with you.


Whoa Gillis, dude you shouldnt be talking about your wife like that.

Poor Zack, i think he needs a bit more deoderant or something.

He has some strong words for mr Luongo. Instead of trading him, he is mocking him, what a jerk.

Here he is taking stabs at his fellow general manager of the Nashvile Predators, David Poile on one of his recent defensemen jumping ship.

Oh he must have been drinking a bit too much, now hes singing Rod Stewart. Why are we scottish so crazy?

This is one hes going to want back. Apparently he really likes fish and really doesnt like traded centerman Cody Hodgson.

Here he has some choice words for twitter user @Strombone1 who may or may not be Roberto Luongo.

I know hes drunk and everything, but this one made everyone really mad. Not only does he rip Andrew alberts, current Vancouver Canucks defenseman, but also makes everyone feel bad for wanting superstar Shea Weber.

So all in all Gillis had a fun day, while making us the fans have a shit fit over his antics. it was only a few weeks ago that most of the people in Vancouver liked him. Funny how a few days can change things.


(Fake) Interviews with NHL Players! Jason Garrison 7-5-2012 SEASON TWO

It’s been awhile since I spoke with the Vancouver canucks, so imagine my surprise when I got a phone call early one morning from Ben Brown, Director of the Vancouver Canucks Media Relations, asking if I’m available for a job. I of course asked what the job was, which Ben replied “We want you to be the first to interview our newest Canuck, Jason Garrison.” I jumped at the chance, a local guy who is new to the team will be a big assignment.

I shave off my nearly three months of scuz and pull myself together. I am to meet Mr. Garrison at the Fairmont Vancouver hotel, and am surprised to see a mob of people young and old, salivating at the chance to meet the newest player to come from the Florida panthers. Evidently I wasn’t the only one with the information of him being there. I see a familiar face in the crowd, my friend and fellow blogger Wyatt aka @TheStanchion. I ask for his help and decide to tag team this interview. We manage to get our target to a secluded area within the hotel while security holds off the Justin Beiber-esque crowd.

MattTheMascot: Hey Jason, that crowd was crazy, good thing you have your own security deployment.

Jason Garrison: Gillis warned me about that ahead of time, I underestimated the craziness of some of the fans here.

The Stanchion: Let me start off by thanking you for this opportunity guys, it’s great to meet another Vancouver Canuck.

JG: Your welcome, who else have you met with on the team?

STANCH: I’ve met the whole team, gambled with them, golfed with them and had them all over for a BBQ.
MTM: What? When? Why wasn’t I invited?

STANCH: Sorry space was limited and you always embarrass yourself somehow, I couldn’t have that on my watch.

JG: I am interrupting something?

MTM: Sorry I got off topic. So Jason what does a white rock boy like yourself do in your spare time?

JG: Well I like watching and playing basketball and golfing. Also I’ve been known to juggle cats while skating to improve my reflexes and agility. Also I chase chickens too.

STANCH: Wow that’s umm, awesome man. I also read that your last NHL fight was with your new teammate Manny Malhotra. Are you guys going to be fine playing together?

JG: Water under the bridge man, Manny and I are both Jedi. We sometimes have disagreements and we hash it out but we are fine now.

MTM: So we are going to have three Jedi on our team, are you guys going to use the force to win a cup?

JG: That’s the plan dude.

STANCH: OK I can’t wait any longer. I gotta know, Charizard or Bulbasaur?

JG: Pikachu.



STANCH: NWO Wolf pack or Hollywood?


MTM: Steak or Salmon?

JG: Steak AND Salmon.

STANCH: You just blew my mind man. Who would win in a fight? A Samurai or you?

JG: Pretty obvious.

MTM: Ok how about Zdeno Chara or Captain Kirk?

JG: Captain Kirk, but with a tag in from Spock.

STANCH: A pack of hungry wolves or Maxim Lapierre’s smile?

JG: Those wolves wouldn’t stand a chance (he winks).

MTM: Have you ever been compared to Mr. Garrison of South Park?

JG: I would hope not.

STANCH: Last one from me, wanna come to my BBQ on saturday?

JG: Sure thing, just text me your address, here’s my number. (He scribbles on the back of an autographed photo of himself)

MTM: Can I come?

STANCH: Yeah, about that, sorry bud I can’t have too many people and Bieksa is bringing a big crew with him.

MTM: Oh ok, I understand. I guess.

JG: Don’t be a baby about it, suck it up buttercup.

MTM: Oh because that makes it so much better.

JG: Anything else? I have a tee time with David Booth and Malhotra in an hour and I don’t want to be late.

MTM: No no were done.

JG: Gentlemen, it was nice to meet you and Stanch I’ll see you Saturday.

Later that day I get a text from Mike Gillis telling me I’m fired. He says I’m not asking the right questions and making a fool of the organization. As if it couldn’t get worse I heard Trevor Linden was at the Stanchion’s bbq. I was so upset I went back home and ate a tub of Neapolitan ice cream. But I didn’t eat the chocolate or vanilla. Great now I need a job again….. sigh