(Fake) Interviews with NHL Players! Jason Garrison 7-5-2012 SEASON TWO

It’s been awhile since I spoke with the Vancouver canucks, so imagine my surprise when I got a phone call early one morning from Ben Brown, Director of the Vancouver Canucks Media Relations, asking if I’m available for a job. I of course asked what the job was, which Ben replied “We want you to be the first to interview our newest Canuck, Jason Garrison.” I jumped at the chance, a local guy who is new to the team will be a big assignment.

I shave off my nearly three months of scuz and pull myself together. I am to meet Mr. Garrison at the Fairmont Vancouver hotel, and am surprised to see a mob of people young and old, salivating at the chance to meet the newest player to come from the Florida panthers. Evidently I wasn’t the only one with the information of him being there. I see a familiar face in the crowd, my friend and fellow blogger Wyatt aka @TheStanchion. I ask for his help and decide to tag team this interview. We manage to get our target to a secluded area within the hotel while security holds off the Justin Beiber-esque crowd.

MattTheMascot: Hey Jason, that crowd was crazy, good thing you have your own security deployment.

Jason Garrison: Gillis warned me about that ahead of time, I underestimated the craziness of some of the fans here.

The Stanchion: Let me start off by thanking you for this opportunity guys, it’s great to meet another Vancouver Canuck.

JG: Your welcome, who else have you met with on the team?

STANCH: I’ve met the whole team, gambled with them, golfed with them and had them all over for a BBQ.
MTM: What? When? Why wasn’t I invited?

STANCH: Sorry space was limited and you always embarrass yourself somehow, I couldn’t have that on my watch.

JG: I am interrupting something?

MTM: Sorry I got off topic. So Jason what does a white rock boy like yourself do in your spare time?

JG: Well I like watching and playing basketball and golfing. Also I’ve been known to juggle cats while skating to improve my reflexes and agility. Also I chase chickens too.

STANCH: Wow that’s umm, awesome man. I also read that your last NHL fight was with your new teammate Manny Malhotra. Are you guys going to be fine playing together?

JG: Water under the bridge man, Manny and I are both Jedi. We sometimes have disagreements and we hash it out but we are fine now.

MTM: So we are going to have three Jedi on our team, are you guys going to use the force to win a cup?

JG: That’s the plan dude.

STANCH: OK I can’t wait any longer. I gotta know, Charizard or Bulbasaur?

JG: Pikachu.



STANCH: NWO Wolf pack or Hollywood?


MTM: Steak or Salmon?

JG: Steak AND Salmon.

STANCH: You just blew my mind man. Who would win in a fight? A Samurai or you?

JG: Pretty obvious.

MTM: Ok how about Zdeno Chara or Captain Kirk?

JG: Captain Kirk, but with a tag in from Spock.

STANCH: A pack of hungry wolves or Maxim Lapierre’s smile?

JG: Those wolves wouldn’t stand a chance (he winks).

MTM: Have you ever been compared to Mr. Garrison of South Park?

JG: I would hope not.

STANCH: Last one from me, wanna come to my BBQ on saturday?

JG: Sure thing, just text me your address, here’s my number. (He scribbles on the back of an autographed photo of himself)

MTM: Can I come?

STANCH: Yeah, about that, sorry bud I can’t have too many people and Bieksa is bringing a big crew with him.

MTM: Oh ok, I understand. I guess.

JG: Don’t be a baby about it, suck it up buttercup.

MTM: Oh because that makes it so much better.

JG: Anything else? I have a tee time with David Booth and Malhotra in an hour and I don’t want to be late.

MTM: No no were done.

JG: Gentlemen, it was nice to meet you and Stanch I’ll see you Saturday.

Later that day I get a text from Mike Gillis telling me I’m fired. He says I’m not asking the right questions and making a fool of the organization. As if it couldn’t get worse I heard Trevor Linden was at the Stanchion’s bbq. I was so upset I went back home and ate a tub of Neapolitan ice cream. But I didn’t eat the chocolate or vanilla. Great now I need a job again….. sigh



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  1. The Interviews….. « Matt The Mascot - October 19, 2012

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