Ah, The Playoffs

“What was that? The playoffs are near? Did I hear you correctly?”

Yes you did my friends. The NHL playoffs are just around the corner. Its time for multiple things to happen. People cry, scream, break televisions multiple times a night. Also on the flipside, many cheer, raise toasts and destroy other teams fans with unabashed criticism. Many of we, the crazy fans men and women alike, are going through a checklist of what we feel will help our teams win that tall silver holy grail.

That checklist may include but not limited to:
-Not shaving faces, legs, under arm areas and the nethers.
-Shaving designs into particular parts of the body to have a specific “magic” feel to them.
-Face and/or body painting every game day, with true team colors.
-Wearing a specific item such as a hat, jersey, underwear, sweater or even the occasional lucky sock that at one point brought your team luck.
-Saving up sick days at work.
-Extended vacations at work.
-Carefully planning when and where to maybe possibly meet that player or celebrity coming to the game. I am not a stalker at all. Child please
-Plan how you are going to upstage your friends in celebration when that one day comes. You know what day that is…….
-Stock up on necessities like beer, munchie mix (pick out the pretzels of course), paper towels and things you can flail around when your team scores.

Once your version of said checklist is complete, proceed onto stage two of the playoffs. The fun part. The part where your friend who hates your team and you hate his/her team can build up (friendly) animosity and start the traditional name calling. The part where you can say whatever you want for nothing has happened yet. Its an even slate. The die have not been cast. You can sing the praises of your highlights and mourn with requiems of tragic events that will only amplify your ecstatic energy for the magical time that is upon us.

Be prepared for the enemies of thy who lay and wait for a weak link in your armor to be exposed. Make sure your verbal arguments are flawless. Any mistake can prove disastrous. (Believe me, my foot has been in my mouth far too much this year.) Remember enemies of your enemies are your best ally. The team that is facing your enemies group of soldiers can benefit you. Plan tactical assaults and celebrate when they are laid low. Your thirst for vengeance will fuel your quest for the ultimate glory. Remember hubris is only evil to those who have it cast upon.

Coming from experience, winning one really good series can make you delusional and have fits of joy that make you want to scream from a mountain top. Do not let this stop you from the shiny memorial that will be yours once you destroy the final barrier. It will take your team a minimum of sixteen hard fought gladiator-esque matches that can make you scream in rage or jump off your couch and break an ankle. Maybe add to your list some ice packs and band aids.

I cannot tell you how the feeling will be if your team lands that amazing spectacle know as the Stanley Cup. “Lord Stanley of Preston” once paid the equivalent of 50$ for the initial pieces. Ask anyone now and they will tell you, its priceless.

@mattthemascot

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